Don’t Know What to Call This Post

I am not doing well.  Sometimes that is all too true for me.  I have been wanting to write a post about this and why it happens.  I can’t bring myself to do that yet but want to give you some links so you might have an idea of how life can be for me.  I don’t [...]

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Too Many Tears

Falling like rain:A light mist,A gentle stream,A hard pouring
OnceAnd againAnd again
Many times a day,Day in, day out,Weeks on end
Over and over
Soggy tissues,Puffy eyesAching head
For seemingly no reason
Too many tears,Far too many tears

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Trying, Really

My dear readers and friends, I’m so sorry about what I wrote yesterday. You didn’t need to see that. I’m not going to pull that post though, because I want to be honest with you all about my life in this blog and that was honest for me right then. It really [...]

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Not What You Think

I am a total fraud. There are two sides of me, the side people see and the real me. People see the person who says she’s living for the Lord. They see someone they believe is good and kind and all. They see the happy face. They see what they [...]

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Reason To Live

As you know, I’ve really been struggling this past month. Something minor (or so I thought at the time) triggered my abuse issues again five weeks ago and it has really wreaked havoc in my life—yet again. The hardest thing for me when dealing with abuse issues is the feeling (and the literal [...]

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I’m Being Real With You

I read a number of other blogs several times a week and they often touch me. But this one prompted me to finally post a link to someone else’s blog post and share it with you.
I’m going to be real with you. I’m struggling, I really am. In the past 6 weeks the abuse issues [...]

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Anguish

Pain and panicFear and fightingHaunting memories, visionsOf what I know and don’t knowNightmares and daymaresDeathly thoughtsHow could it be?Why was it?What must be wrong with me?Strong tensionUltimate stressI feared for my lifeI fear for my lifeScars and marks say“Damaged goods”Fear and fightingPain and panic
Casting Crowns – Praise You In This StormFrom the album Lifesong
I was [...]

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Trauma and PTSD

For most of my life I have been living with the effects of trauma from physical, emotional and sexual abuse as a child. This has translated into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for me, Complex PTSD in particular. I’ll spare you the gory details, but here are the basics of my abuse situation: physically, emotionally and [...]

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The Effects of Childhood Abuse on a 38-year-old Woman

Recurrent depression
Recurrent anxiety
Poor self-image
Sleep issues
Trouble trusting others, especially men
Self-injuring
Prone to eating disorders
Fear of losing important relationships
Self-loathing
Sexual difficulties
Second-guessing self
Questioning others’ motives for caring for me
Suicidal thoughts
Fear of certain locations/buildings
Fear of abusers returning to hurt me
Pushing others away
Difficulty trying new things and meeting new people
Feeling inadequate
Feeling like damaged goods

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